Of Course, Only The English Could Have Invented This Language

I don't know who came up with this but they sure have a lot of time on their hands...

We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes
One fowl is a goose but two are called geese
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice

If the plural of man is always called men
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three may be those
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose
We speak of a brother and also of brethren
But though we say mother, we never say methren
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him
But imagine the feminine - she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple
English muffins weren't invented in England
Quicksand works slowly and boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig

Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
You can make amends but not one amend
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship
We have noses that run and feet that smell
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
A house can burn up as it burns down
You fill in a form by filling it out
And an alarm goes off by going on

If Father's Pop how come Mother's not Mop?
And if people from Poland are called Poles
Then people from Holland should be Holes
And the Germans, Germs.